Little Red Riding Hood’s Valentine’s Surprise
A fractured fairy tale
Little Red Riding Hood was taking some chocolate cakes to her grandmother’s house for Valentine’s Day.
She was happily skipping through the woods when a strange little man with a funny green hat bumped into her. Little Red Riding Hood had met him many times before, but she could not remember his name.
“Hello,” Little Red Riding Hood said politely as she picked herself up off the ground. “I am sorry, but I can’t seem to remember your name.”
Well, that the wrong thing to say to him!
“My name!” he stammered. “MY NAME! Why can’t anyone remember my name?! My name is RUMPELSTILTSKIN!”
“Mr. Bumblestiltskin,” Little Red Riding Hood replied, “I am on my way to visit my grandmother. I have made cakes for Valentine’s Day. Would you like to join us?”
Sighing, Rumpelstiltskin agreed to accompany her to her grandmother’s house.
* * *
They met Jack around the next corner. Jack was struggling to maintain his hold on a squirming and squawking goose.
“Hello,” Rumpelstiltskin said, “I am Rumpelstiltskin and this is Little Red Riding Hood.”
“I am Jack and this,” he said nodding to the wriggling bundle in his arms, “is the goose that lays golden eggs.”
“We are off to my grandmother’s house to eat chocolate cake for Valentine’s Day. Would you like to come?” Little Red Riding Hood asked.
“I would indeed. I am so hungry – since this goose won’t lay anything that I can scramble or fry!”
Jack handed the goose to Rumpelstiltskin. “Would you please hold her for a moment. I need to tie my shoelace.”
Rumpelstiltskin, who had never seen a goose let alone held one, was not really prepared. Before he knew it, the goose had wrestled free and was running down the path.
“Fumblestiltskin,” Jack roared as he chased after the goose, “you have let my golden eggs run away.”
“I guess he won’t be coming with us,” Rumpelstiltskin murmured.
* * *
Before long the two traveling companions came to a bridge. Little Red Riding Hood handed her basket of cakes to Rumpelstiltskin.
As Little Red Riding Hood crossed, an angry goblin-like voice bellowed, “Who is that trip-trapping across my bridge?”
“It is Little Red Riding Hood,” she answered. “Please don’t eat me. I am Little. Besides, I gave my basket of chocolate cakes to my friend, Rumpelstiltskin.”
“Alright, you can go,” the troll bawled. “I will wait for your friend with the chocolate cakes.”
As Rumpelstiltskin crossed the bridge, the angry troll shouted, “Who is that trip-trapping across my bridge?”
“Oh for heaven’s sake!” Rumpelstiltskin roared back, “MY NAME IS RUMPELSTILTSKIN.”
The troll was so scared that he fell into the water with a great big splash. “Since you are so cross, Grumplestiltskin, you can cross,” he sobbed.
And so the two companions carried on to grandmother’s house.
* * *
They had not walked for more than ten minutes when they came upon a tall tower.
“Help, help,” they heard a voice call from the tower. “I need help.”
Little Red Riding Hood and Rumpelstiltskin hurried closer. They looked up and saw a strange looking face poking out of the window. Long, blonde, braided hair spilled out over the window ledge and fell to the ground.
“I will save you,” called Rumpelstiltskin. “My name is Rumpelstiltskin and I will be your brave hero!”
With that, he took hold of Rapunzel’s hair and, using it as a rope, began to climb up the outside of the tower.
He was almost half way there when a funny thing happened. The hair, which had moments earlier been on Rapunzel’s head, came sailing off – and, without anything to hold onto, so did Rumpelstiltskin! Rumpelstiltskin toppled to the ground, landing with a big thud.
Rumpelstiltskin, still clutching the blonde wig, opened his eyes a few minutes later to see a wolf standing over him.
“Mr. Tumblestiltskin, are you alright?” asked Rapunzel, the wolf.
“I think so. But how did you get down here? I was trying to rescue you.”
Rapunzel explained, “Oh, my dear little man, I did not need rescuing. The front door is unlocked. I called for help because I saw a hairy spider in my room.”
Rumpelstiltskin groaned. What a day he was having!
Little Red Riding Hood invited Rapunzel to join them. “I made plenty of chocolate cakes so you could come too, if you like,” she offered.
The hungry wolf said that yes, indeed, she would like that! As they walked together, she thought about the feast she was about to have!
* * *
Little Red Riding Hood told her two new friends that they were almost there. “Just around this next bend,” she promised.
As soon as they turned the corner, Rumpelstiltskin and Rapunzel saw the most amazing little cottage: the walls were made out of gingerbread, the rooftop was made out of icing and chocolate bars, the windows were made from fruit roll-ups and the garden was full of gumdrops and lollypops.
The door opened and Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother ran out to greet them.
After introducing her two friends, Little Red Riding Hood asked if her cousins Hanzel and Gretel were there.
“They are in the kitchen,” her grandmother replied. “They are taking something yummy out of the oven.”
They went inside and were just in time to see Hanzel and Gretel take the biggest gingerbread man they had ever seen out of the oven. Rumpelstiltskin’s tummy growled so loudly that everyone giggled.
“Mr. Rumblestiltskin,” granny asked, “would you like to eat some of the cookie while I put on a pot of tea?”
But before Rumpelstiltskin could take a bite, the cookie sprang from the pan and ran out the door, calling “Run, run, as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m the…”
Rumpelstiltskin just shook his head. He wondered how this day could get any stranger.
* * *
At that very moment, three little pigs ran up to Grandma’s house.
“He huffed,” the first one began.
“He puffed,” the second continued.
“He blew our house down,” the third concluded.
“Please let us come in,” they all cried at once.
The three little pigs hurried inside and locked the door.
“Who are you talking about,” Rapunzel asked.
When the three little pigs saw Rapunzel, they cried even more.
Rapunzel looked out the window to see who had caused all of this fuss. As soon as Rapunzel saw the Big Bad Wolf, she turned to Rumpelstiltskin and asked for her wig back. Smoothing down her long, blonde, braided locks, Rapunzel opened the door.
The Big Bad Wolf huffed and puffed – not to blow down the house, but instead because Rapunzel’s beauty had knocked the breath right out of him.
Rapunzel and the Big Bad Wolf fell in love and got married that very same day. The Valentine’s Day Celebration became a Wedding Celebration!
As the wedding guests milled around introducing themselves, Rumpelstiltskin, who was tired of telling people his name, could be heard muttering over and over again, “My name is Rumpelstiltskin.”
“Mumblestiltskin,” the three little pigs cried, we are pleased to meet you.”
Everyone sat down and enjoyed Little Red Riding Hood’s chocolate cakes.
And everyone lived happily ever after!
Even Jack, who finally caught his goose and who finally found something to eat when a big gingerbread cookie ran right past him!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
© 2009, Maureen Yorke.
